Naughty and Nice

I have been fucking around with intermittent fasting since 2018. It has been fun. I got really into it when I decided to do a pole dancing competition and I wanted access to all the juicy growth hormone you get while fasting. In the meantime I also released around 50 lbs. Cool. Just to note, though, weight loss on its own has never been a good motivator for me. 

Since March of this year, when I began my quarantine, I got very into eating and drinking. I was also remaining active, but my body responds strongly to what I consume, regardless of how much I move or work out. I didn't fast. 

Once quarantine was lifted a little, I started fasting a little, but it has been hard to remain consistent without a secondary (or primary) motivation. Like I said, weight is not a good motivator for me.

I'm going to fast forward to this week. I had a therapy session on Tuesday with a wonderful woman I know, and what came out of the session for me is I have this deeply ingrained Good Girl/Bad Girl complex. In reality, I love being a naughty girl. But unconsciously, my mind tells me I've been bad and need to punish myself for my actions A LOT of the time. 

One of those ways is in the eating/fasting realm. I've been bad for eating this way and need to punish myself by fasting. Since I also reject the Good Girl punishing side of myself (until I make it more conscious), I reject the things I use to punish myself as well. Is this confusing? That's because it's a crazy loopy loop.

"I'm a bad girl when I eat and a good girl when I fast." That has been the belief system my mind has been running. To change that, I thought, "How can I turn fasting into something naughty I'm doing for myself?" Remember, I love being naughty. Being Naughty, to me, means going against the grain. Doing what's different from my conditioning when the conditioning no longer serves. 

The answer: I'm a naughty girl when I fast because I am entirely circumventing the ridiculous medical system we have set up in this country without paying a single dime into it and completely changing the trajectory of the health of my body. I am a naughty girl when I fast because it gives me access to every single part of my body so I can use it the way I want to. I am able to utilize the stored energy I have and can reveal the strength I've been building. I am a naughty girl when I fast because it liberates my mind and my energy and creates extreme clarity so I know which direction to go without needing to be told. I'm a naughty girl when I fast because it reveals my hidden desires by bringing me more in tune with myself. I'm a naughty girl when I fast because I am breaking the chains of being reliant on that which is outside myself. 

This is a much better direction for me and brings me in alignment in the way I want it to be. I love my Naughty Side. And I choose to harness my Naughtiness for good.